I have depression.
Hey guys. Happy Monday! In the midst of all this craziness I really wanted to get back on here and share something with you guys. Last Monday, I went to the doctor and found out that I have a big deficiency in Serotonin. Aka the happiness hormone. I know, not the most cheerful thing to read, but I am sure there are other people out there that are currently struggling with mental health.
It has taken me about a week to actually be able to say the word “depressed” out loud. For some reason, that word makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. In fact, the moment my doctor told me that I probably needed to get on medicine for a while I had a complete breakdown. I have been raised thinking that mental illness is a bad thing, and that medicine is the devil. Which I mean it can be, but also in some situations it could be the only thing keeping someone going.
About four months ago, I really started to have some issues with my mind. Nothing crazy, but it seemed like for every good day I had, I would have 4 really bad days. Like crying for no reason and just feeling worthless. I honestly just thought it was hormones. I never thought there was a deeper reason for feeling that way. Personally, I feel as though I am in great health. I go to crossfit 5x a week, I eat super clean, I have an amazing relationship, good social life, awesome job, and wonderful family. I know that I am blessed to have all of those things, and thank god everyday that I do. But even though I have all those things, I still cry myself to sleep almost every night.
This past month was my worst month yet. My mind really started to go to a bad place. I would cry every night and cry every morning before work. Deep down I knew that feeling this way wasn’t normal, but yet I kept thinking it was hormones. It wasn’t until that I started feeling like I couldn’t do it anymore did I finally tell someone. I just thank god that I did tell someone, because I know there are so many people who try to go through this alone. So if you are feeling this way right now, tell someone. Tell someone because you don’t deserve to go through life feeling this way. Tell someone because you matter to this world, even if you think you don’t.
Living With Depression
I know this post is kind of all over the place, and there are a million things I could talk about, but I just kind of wanted to share this with you guys.
Depression is hard, and I am learning to deal with it everyday. It is a constant battle, but I will get through it.
Some things that I have been doing in order to help myself is just going back to what truly makes me happy. Also, taking a little bit of time off. Recently, I have went back to working at the daycare part time. I mean granted I still have my business, and school full time, but not having that daily 8-5 job everyday has really helped. Another thing that is important is to stay away from what triggers you. I know this sounds silly, but I have to stay away from sad things that make me cry, because once I start crying you can guarantee I will lay in bed crying all day.
The fourth thing I have been doing is just continuing to take care of my health. Even though I may want to binge eat donuts I still continue to workout daily, eat healthy, and meditate. Another crucial thing is to have like a positivity routine. Twice a day I pray, say what I am thankful for, and visualize my goals in life. The sixth thing I have been doing is spending extra time with loved ones. Aka my boyfriend Levi. I know I have already mentioned, but it is important to find out what makes you happy. Recently, I have almost completely forgotten what makes me happy, so it is important to dive back into those things. 🙂
I hope this post wasn’t too depressing. I just wanted to jump on here and share with you something that has been on my heart.
I hope you all have a great rest of your day.
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